Optimism

today i woke up with that sense of optimism that no matter what happens to me i know that i can still get up and fight another day. I am resourceful and capable. Things are changing again. Looks are toward the horizon which is that much closer now than it was before. I am no longer looking at my feet. They can shuffle or stumble as much as they want. Now I can see the orange red hue perfectly before me. It is right there for me to take as my own. It is close now.

I am on my way. It is nearly february and very nearly one of the biggest weekends of my life might occur soon enough. I might be in the spotlight for a little while, but if i embrace it things will bend to my will eventually. I little bit of sacrfice here can go a long way. I just need to remember who i am and where i am from. I have been through so much that to forget these items would be disgraceful. the music should be loud. It should celebrate my victory.

With one eye on the past i turn back to face the day and my future. I have goals and they are setting themselves up for me. The pale blue face of my past path is leading to the red heat in front of me. I walk torn, shattered, bruised, and confident. I move with grace amidst the chaos. i haven't been stopped yet. Who can stop me now?

It was snowing that day

It was snowing that day.
My brother jim knocked on the door.
My eyes were already opened.
I had been watching the snow fall.

It covered everything: trees, streets; cars.
The clock read: 7:13
He said "Mom called, let's go."
I hadn't slept yet.

Tears covered my face.
They shook to the ground as i hurried to dress.
My eyes burned with the sting of sleeplessness.
We hurried to the hospice.

We arrived and shook off the snow.
Mom was crying, sobbing.
My father lay still.
His eyes never to open again.

Fire

Ever wonder where that fire goes? That one that burns inside of you. The one that keeps your eye on the prize. The one that makes you step that extra step, and take the plunge. The desire. The hunger. The drive?

When there is nothing left, and you are at the bottom. Do you come back? Do you have one of those crystalizing moments when suddenly everything becomes so clear? OR... Do you fall. Do you crumble? Do you take the weight of the world on your shoulders and sink? It's the times when we are the most challenged that we find the most out about ourselves.

It's in the times of trouble and turmoil that we cannot see the end. But that does not mean that the end is not there. We travel on our paths for so long and we set standards for ourselves to live by. We get shaken. We get rattled. Sometimes we get rocked to the very core of what we are.

It's in those moments that our fires burn brightest. They feed off of the fuel that surrounds it. They spur into new life. Some turn to hate. Others revenge. Some give. Some take. Some awaken as if for the first time and live life as a newborn. When you are at the bottom you can only go in one direction.

The cold fire of our existence lights our paths for us. The fire within us consumes the paths around us. I am not defeated. I have yet to start.