At the edge

Standing at the cliff you realize things. You know that there is nothing holding you back. There is nothing drawing you forward. The only thing that you truly know is that you are there. You could fall, or you could jump. It is your decision. Everything you do is your decision. You decided to be cruel or righteous. At the cliff's edge you know true freedom. You know that you have the power to exist by choice. Metaphorically speaking you leap or turn away from every edge that you come into contact with.

We're always trying to believe that someone is holding us back, or someone is pushing us forward. It is really us. We get to make the decisions don't we? That is one of the essential truths of life. We decide when to act and when to not.

So, what of the people that act in not acting? Is that a true act or is it the fear that something is keeping them from the action? Something or someone is holding them back or forcing them to be inactive.

What is that fear? It is not chance. There is no such entity as chance. Chance has no rules. It cannot be defined by the consequences that it produces. The fear is the excuse because of the unknown. Its factuality is based on supposed experiences or the inference of what could be.

To be pushed or pulled by some exterior force is the excuse as the basis of the fear. At the edge to choose to walk away, or to choose flight is the power. That power is fearsome for some. It is better to give that power to someone else.

Is it just to take someone else's choice away from them while they are inactive? To make the decision for them while they sway in the wind? Do they need to find their own ground to take a stand at the edge?

To be at the edge with that freedom is powerful. Shift paradigms, take risks, and live in the here and now.

To be in the moment

I need to learn this. I am at work now. It is nearly over. I am finishing a week of nights and i am worried. What am i worried about? Why do i have to have some sort of plan?

It helps give me closure. It helps me assign priority to my life. It allows me to keep long range and short term goals seperate. It allows me a structure to work within. it gives me function to work with...

However, this unending concern needs to become clarified. I need to live in the moment. I need to be in the moment for my own sake. so, i am in this situation or relationship and i want to know the status of it. She seems to be happy just knowing that we are together, but doesn't want me to really get any closer to her. Maybe that is my perception only. She seems to be fearful of what a relationship with someone of my caliber could be like. I "exceed" her expectations for a man thus far. She tells me that she "basically loves" me, and that she "adores" me...

Why am i so eager to divulge to her everything to her. Why am i so ready? Am i lonely? needy? do i need to have this sharing of information or is it just simply something that i want?

the other question is: do i back off? The main reason would be because i am feeling so very vulnerable at this time. And to feel this vulnerable is a weakness. If she were to walk away from me now i would be immensely hurt for a long time. The next question of course would be: why would she walk away? She would not have a major reason at this time, but if i keep worrying about it i might have another self-fulfilling prophecy on my hands.

stay positive. stay active. do your thing. be patient, and do what you want. Try to be in the moment while the moment is here. enjoy it. don't look too much into the past and try to only have an idea for the future. you are here now. here. not in the past, and not in future yet. Control the present. That will allow you to own the past and determine the future.