What I want.

so,

I want someone that is good looking. But this person does not have to be a supermodel. She just has to have pleasing looks. More than anything else she has to be willing to commit to me like i would be willing to commit to her. I have such high expectations of myself that to accept anything less in someone else would be foolish.

I am not bragging. i hate braggarts, but i am decent looking, i am smart, thoughtful, athletic, funny, and social. Why is it so hard to meet someone that meets those standards? Am i looking in the wrong places, or am i destined for something else? Did i already miss my oppurtunity?

I don't want someone that can read my mind, but someone that can sense me. I hate opening up. and i hate exposing weakness. If someone could only understand me. Seriously. I feel like sometimes i am on this earth and nobody gets me.

I take a lot of shit from a lot of people because i dish it out. Sometimes i need to regroup. sometimes i need to lean on somebody too. Why do i always have to be the patient, understanding one? Why can't i have someone ask me my thoughts?

** was the only one that came close to what i am describing, and that whole situation was SNAFU from the get go, between m, and j.

I have the world by the balls, man! I am in striking distance of what i want. I can taste it. I feel like the prodigal son (bible reference) returning home to take what is mine. More importantly i feel like i am only just starting. My potential is boundless.

So, what do i want? I have no companion. I have nobody to share this limitless potential with. I WANT A DOG. I am so deprived of sleep that typing this email is bringing me close to an emotional outburst that would be nothing more than embarassing.

Sorry to drain your eyes. I just feel like i am being hard on myself.