Irony and luck

Is it irony that has brought me to this point or is it coincidence? Am i here because of the events that have taken place around me or am i here because of the decisions that i have made? How did i get to this place?

I think one of the easiest explanations is that it is both. I am here because i chose to be here, but also that i have been effected by what has been going on around me. I think it is strange that she was terminated. Don't you think so? I do. It's like the course was complete, and that was the cue to end it entirely. I still have some lingering thoughts, but overall what she did was horrible. How could she expect me to just forgive and move on? Maybe the others are right and she is unstable. I do feel sorry for her. She has been dealt a lot of shitty hands, but in the same sense she has played a lot of the good hands poorly. So, i cannot let my sorrow for her rule my judgement.

Now i have been given another gift. What will i do with it? I am not exactly sure. I want everything... i want the fairytale as well. I want the truest of loves, and i want the purest belief that it still exists.

I have it in me. That is one thing that is a given. It exists in me. I can do it. I just needed to meet someone that could bring it out in me. Is she the one? Maybe. It might be too early to say that but there is also a fine line between knowing and not knowing. So if i were to say that she is not the one right now... would that be too early as well? my answer of course is yes.

One of the cool things is that i do not have to have a major plan. There is not going to be an order of battle here. I do not have to ghost someone, i do not have to find out where i stand, and i do not have to do so many things and jump through so many hoops to make it happen.

For once things are appearing easy. There is next to no baggage attached whatsoever. I am almost in the free and clear from all of that other stuff. Maybe it was there in the first place to show me what it was like... sort of the sweet and sour thing again. You cannot appreciate what you have until you see what it is like on the other side. I saw what it could've been like, but now i see that it should have been better.

I am glad that i am inspired to write again. I am glad that i can put my thoughts out there in sequence again. I am feeling better. This is my seventh night on and i have one more to go. I know that tomorrow i will be busy, but for the time being i am enjoying what i have in the here and now.

I am also glad that some of the things that i was wanting and looking forward to last year have come to fruition or are coming to fruition. I am glad that these items have been placed before me... or did i go looking for them?

There is no better place for me to be then right where i am right now...

family, friends, work, social life, material life.... everything is in place. Right now i feel like my own good luck charm.