Late in the morning. I am tired now. It seems at times that these nights are taking a toll on me. I feel aged. I feel worn. Sometimes i don't want to come here to work. It's as if the motivations that i used to get me here have been spent out. They have been spent in paperwork, busy-work, dirty work, shit work, so on and so forth.
I just wait. I sit. I try to be patient, but sometimes i want to explode with action. I want to move toward the end of the game instead of feeling like just started it.
As a doctor i think we all have to deal with gaps of knowledge. They can be filled in. They can fill in the areas where there are strongholds of information...
I think for myself i want to know too much. I want to know everything. I want too much and i want everything.
I feel like i am having to always sit and wait my turn. Why do i always think that i can do things better than those around me? Why should i always be right? Do i have some weird foresight that no others have? Why is my thinking correct? Is it that i can convince myself that i am in the right?
If i truly believe that i am better/supreme/correct/just, then why do i have to wait. Why can i not take what i want right now?
What is it that i want? Good question...
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