It's been a year

One year has now gone by. i started this (writing my thoughts out) so that i could better deal with the losses of my father's life, my ex-girlfriend's relationship, and my residency (which i had grown to love.)

After a year has gone by i still think of my father, but it is much less than before. I very rarely get sad anymore thinking about him. I would've liked for him to see me get that first real paycheck, or for him to help me buy a house. It would also be nice if he could've survived long enough to see me married with children. I know that he was proud of me, and that he loved me dearly. I take comfort in that. A year after his death i felt somewhat more free. I felt like my penance or what-have-you was over. This month he would be 68 years old. It is still a very young age. I take care of patients much older than that. My post about the morning of his death still gives me chivers when i read it.

My ex was the second major girlfriend that i have ever had. I have dated lots but i was ready to settle with her for some odd reason. I do not fall for people very easily. I try never to let me emotions run away from my reasoning. With her things were different. I had a glimpse of the future. My brother called it a "simulation." We had simulated married life. We both worked, had a dog, planned vacations, and fought. As time progressed these items all became worse. work sucked, the dog drained all of her attention, vacations became harder to plan and we fought more. A year ago i believe that she became lonely. I had begun to move on and she did not. She stayed in contact with me to hinder my progress. She was effective in making me delay on an oppurtunity that i should've jumped on. Now i think of the oppurtunity daily... and i could care less about my ex. It has only been a year.

Last year at this time i was living life. I was getting my new car (a symbol), i was getting a new apartment (a sign) and i was leaving a place that i had experienced so much in. Now, a year later i have my car, and i love it. But i put so many miles visiting my old place that the irony is not fully evident. I just agreed to a new apartment now as well. In my old apartment complex. funny how things have not changed much in one year's time, but have come almost full circle.

Now, i am able to be reborn. I can start fresh again. Goals are a bit harder to come by now at this time, but are still present. I get to get the new paycheck soon, and soon after a new house, and then a new car... These are rather unfulfilling items because they are materialistic. There are other things. I am devising a 'death bed list' for the end of my life. It is currently in the process of being finished... My eyes have also been opened up to my true self. My truest needs, and my truest desires. It's been a year now, and things could not be looking better...